I can feel it creeping back up on me. I should have known the only reason I was feeling good was because I was on vacation. I woke up today, my first day back, and I just felt ... blah. As the day progressed I started feeling heavy and sad and very tired. I feel anxious for no real reason. Over my holiday I felt so calm and at ease. I knew that whatever problems I had in my life could be dealt with, and I even knew what I was going to do about them. Now I can't even remember what those solutions were. I feel hopeless and helpless all over again. I don't want to go back to school, even if it's only for two weeks while I write my exams, not because I'm particularly worried about the exams, but because I'm just so lonely when I'm there. Every year I get one week of feeling the way I think I'm supposed to feel -- calm, confident, in control -- and then as soon as I get back that all goes away. I was beginning to think my mood had actually stabilized, but I guess I was only fooling myself. I only set foot in my front door 24 hours ago, and already I just want to crawl under the covers and hide.