Back to reality

I can feel it creeping back up on me. I should have known the only reason I was feeling good was because I was on vacation. I woke up today, my first day back, and I just felt ... blah. As the day progressed I started feeling heavy and sad and very tired. I feel anxious for no real reason. Over my holiday I felt so calm and at ease. I knew that whatever problems I had in my life could be dealt with, and I even knew what I was going to do about them. Now I can't even remember what those solutions were. I feel hopeless and helpless all over again. I don't want to go back to school, even if it's only for two weeks while I write my exams, not because I'm particularly worried about the exams, but because I'm just so lonely when I'm there. Every year I get one week of feeling the way I think I'm supposed to feel -- calm, confident, in control -- and then as soon as I get back that all goes away. I was beginning to think my mood had actually stabilized, but I guess I was only fooling myself. I only set foot in my front door 24 hours ago, and already I just want to crawl under the covers and hide.

Yeah I know how you feel. That same thing kind of happened to me. I got back to school and I was like wow. F this, first period I was like ... now I re-realize why I hate this place so much. It brought me way down and all I wanted to do was sleep. Everyone else was so energetic and I just didnt want to exist that day.
Keep your head up, and just dont give up. Nothing lasts forever. :]

Yeah I know. Back to work tomorrow, and it's blah even though I love that job. Just take it one day at a time. take care of today and don't spend more time than you have to even thinking about going back. Just what you have to. Anticipating is not bgoing to help at all. Hang in there. HUGGGGS and Kudos to your persistance!