I recently ended an almost decade long relationship with an addict that needed to end. I'm isolated and feel lost, and am trying to figure out how to move on in a healthy way. I have very little experience with this. I usually run to something new (new place, usually) to distract me so I can avoid having to deal with negative emotional stuff.

My current problem is that I feel some tension between the need to experience the emotions associated with ending this, and the need to avoid getting so wrapped up in them that I'm not able to function. It seems obvious that it can't be healthy to let myself be so broken up by this that nothing gets done and life just stops.

So how do people balance this? I don't just mean when a relationship ends, but generally when experiencing emotions associated with any difficult event.

I guess the question is, "How do you tell when experiencing an emotion is necessary and appropriate and when it's part of an unhealthy extreme that needs to be mitigated somehow?"