MUE, you are in pretty bad shape right now. It is time to call your t tonight, or at least in the morning. Get in to see him as soon as possible. If you have a pdoc, call him. You need to get some help. Do that for yourself. It is the right thing to do. You've stopped going to work, your sounding pretty confused and desperate. Your depression is out of hand. Call your t or pdoc for help, preferably now. I'm worried about you.