I've changed my name. One unexpected benefit: It provides an excellent litmus test to see who in my family respects my feelings, and who doesn't. Verbal and emotional abuse can be so subtle that a lot of times the victim misses it. But there's no denying who calls me by my birth name, thus giving me the message "I don't give a darn what you want," and who calls me by the name I selected, thereby saying, "Your feelings matter to me." (I make allowances for relatives in a compromised mental state, who may not be able to adapt to the change.)

There is a lot of emotional baggage attached to a name. I've been yelled at so much that I cannot hear my own birth name without thinking, "What am I in trouble for now?" I just grew to hate the sound of it. Besides, it was easy to turn into a joke (which school kids gladly did!) and in my opinion was too boyish. I wanted a name that clearly said "feminine."