Quote:
Originally Posted by darkrunner
Maybe I am thinking of this in the wrong way, and my experiences are coloring my ability to look at it objectively.
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(((((((((darkrunner)))))))))
I SO understand this, and it all makes me feel really confused too, for the same reason as you.
I think when I started therapy if my T had bent the boundaries in ANY way, shape, or form, I would have run. For sure. FOR SURE. My T was so, so, so, so careful and respectful. He literally would even tell me if he was going to get up and walk across the room for the receipt, because just having him move around the room completely freaked me out. I almost had to back out of the room after sessions because I was so scared to turn my back to him...we decided at one point that he would stay in his chair until I was out of the room so I would feel safe.
I've seen him twice a week for over two years and he has PROVEN to me that I am safe with him. Time after time after time, session after session after session, I have had the chance to experience him and to experience the safety of being with someone with good, solid boundaries.
My guess is that T bends the boundaries a little bit for me now. But *I* get to decide everything that happens. He will hold my hand if I ask. I can sit in his chair if I ask. He will join me on the floor IF I ASK. If I tell him to move his chair against the wall and be as far away from me as possible, he would do that too. Unless I ask for something different, he sits in his chair and I sit on the couch and that's that. AND he doesn't give me everything that I ask for. I've asked to go for a walk outside (his office is across from my favorite hiking spot) and he has said "no". I've asked him if I can move in with his family and he says "no"
I am POSITIVE, 100% for sure, that we will never meet for coffee, or be facebook friends. He'll never give me his home phone number or come and change a flat tire for me.
I don't know if this answers your question at all, but this is how it is for me. If I had walked in the door and he had held my hand
I would have left and never EVER gone back. It's taken a lot of time to build a relationship and to build trust...but it's been really, really healing.