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last weekend i was hypomanic... sleeping 3hrs, shopping like crazy, and outgoing. (albeit irritable). those moments of 'up' are rare for me. i love them (though others around me might not!!)
but it's always followed by this intense downward spiral that i can't shake even when i know it's coming. my parents just left from their week long visit. i hate to see them go. everything that seemed so great last weekend seems so horrible this weekend. the only reason that keeps me alive is the same reason i am still breathing after last time's halfhearted-attempt... my kids. half of me is trying to convince myself that they need me and the other half is trying to convince me that they are better off without me. they were heartbroken when my parents left. what if they'd be better off living with them and not me?
UGH... im so sick of the up and down!!!! im sick of not being able to control my brain.
__________________
JayCee
"Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy,the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?..I don’t know the answer, I know only that I can’t. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired.I am twenty and I am already exhausted.”-Elizabeth Wurtzel
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