Being in control....at all times.....is just way too hard. Because that 1st slip up, leads to spiraling out of control.

Why is it so hard to be in full control of your emotions without constantly reminding yourself what to do/not do, how to take that comment someone just made, the feeling of being overwhelmed and there's nothing you can do about it, being paranoid about if the people whispering a few cubicles away are talking about you, always looking for approval from anybody since your mother will never approve of anything you do, the thoughts that since you can't handle your emotions, how can you handle a stressful job and not start knifing people....the list goes on.

Then to top off the day yesterday in a most excellent way, I went to see my psych, and told her that I wasn't doing well and pretty much everything listed above, and all she told me to do was talk to my therapist and to work on boundaries. I also informed her about erratic sleeping patterns (m-4hr, t-10hr, w-6hr, t-11hr, f-3hr, s-15hr) and how I'm always tired, but she really didn't say anything about it. I'm thinking I need to schedule my appointments a little earlier in the day, since my appt was at 4:45, but I didn't see her until 5:15, and they close at 5:00. I kinda felt rushed.

Then my husband comes home around 7:30, sits down, and automatically turns on Star Trek Online, and I just ask him if he would like to watch something, and then he gets all defensive, which then leads to him being angry with me, and then going to bed....and when he woke up this morning he was still angry....and when I got home this afternoon, he was still angry.

SO...I made him talk about it, and he said I was being passive aggressive, so I informed him how I really felt like not being on the planet anymore last night and that his actions did not help it. At least he's talking to me again.