Choatic, I am only speaking from my own personal experience, and yes I realised today that I have been experiencing T's genuine care and interest in me, and realised that I have never had that modelled for me and its only in experiencing it can I compare it to what It was once like and I can honestly say I have never experienced what I experienced from T and that until I recognised it could I then feel it and realise that it does live in me too, and in realising that I can see how I've never been able to give fully to anyone because I plain just didnt know how too, but now I feel it, I told T I feel as if that hole in my soul has been given the code to becoming real. I have loved my kids the best I can and have tried to not do things that were done to me and I have tried to give them soul food and to a degree I've done good enought in that area, but I'm sure now that there was still that total acceptence that I lacked, I can feel it in my stomach now, I feel I know how to do it, want to do it, able to do because I finally recognise it because T has shown me, and I think also now I can tell when its real and genunine and when its being manufactued now because I have had to manufactuer it at times....I;ll put T's email here because I think she explains it better...

Dear xxxxx

Your dream is a wonderful way of bringing this difficult stuff into consciousness. Realising that you can have attention just because you want it, not because you have done something to deserve it, is very powerful. It's an interesting dream too, because of the 'painting' that was interesting even if we both knew it wasn't real. Were you actually talking about it? What was it about?

Yes, the dream is about what's been missing from your life, and it feels like having a soul is linked to the feeling of being cared for - that it has to come from outside before you can recognise it inside. But I'm still thinking about the painting - it doesn't matter that it didn't actually materialise onto paper - that perhaps that's your soul, and that although it felt like a lie in your dream, you were actually describing something real.

I'm not sure if I've explained that very well. The most important thing here though, is, as you say, that you feel like you've got hold of something that's been missing, and that you can now have it for yourself and for others.

Love,
xxxx