the way my therapist explained it to me when I was worried because I could not remember every single second of my life. She said everybody has natural gaps in their memories and those gaps are not because of trauma or they dissociated. even she didn't remember every single second of her life. the things a person naturally cant remember doesnt mean therapy isnt working or theres other parts left to remember. it means those parts of the memories isnt important to remember. she used her daughter going to the fair. Her daughter had a great time on the rides, petting zoo and all the junk food she had, but the only thing she remembers is eating cotton candy. Thats the part of the trip that was important to her. she will always remember that. will she ever remember riding on the tea cups and the swan that kept following her in the petting zoo, who knows. The part of the memory of going to the fair that was important to her at the time she went to the fair was the cotton candy she had never had before. she said none of us every remember every second of our life so we will always even after integrating as a whole person have gaps in our memories. She said I had a choice. I could spend my life worrying about what I cant remember and in doing so miss out on all kinds of things or I could move on past the idea of what I can and cant remember and have a great life with what memories I do have. I chose to move on and not spend my time worrying whether mine and my alters memories are whole or not. I accept them as is and if someday I happen to remember more about things great. Why waste my time in the past worrying about the past when there is so much of the present and future to enjoy. I had gaps in my memories when I first started therapy and I have gaps in my memories now that I'm integrated. Whether I know what the gaps in my memories or not does change anything for me and it doesn't matter to me. theres a thread in psychology about some people moving beyond needing therapy and their therapists. I'm like that on this issue. I don't need to know the things I can't remember they are the past and I prefer to focus on the present and enjoy my life as a student, intern, person is a healthy relationship with my partner and family.