intergration

I am thinking about intergrating with everyone. How ever I am an alter. Therapist is going to help me do it. She think it would be a good idea to grow up first. Has anyone in here done it?

Intergration is the natural outcome with healing. This is when you are able to share and know each others story. When you get to the stage that you are able to do this. That is when you will start blending with each other. This is the feeling of not knowing when one alter begins and another ends. We call this the dance of fire. For it is deffinenty a wild trip. Good Luck willowtrees.

I am integrated. for me it was not a choice of if my alters and I wanted it to happen or not. It was like the other post here a natural journey first my alters and I told what we remembered separately and then as we each healed from our own separate problems and traumas we began sharing with each other. then the final step just happened with everyone able to be experiencing and owning each others memories emotions traumas as our own, we just knew we were now one whole person with one name sharing everything. There was no big therapeutic process for my therapist to do with me. for me and the way my therapist explained it, integration was and is the whole therapeutic journey from finding out I was DID straight on through to where I am now one whole person.

I have been reading this thread with interest. I don't want to hijack the thread, but could you say more about the memory part? I don't have full memories of things. Only little pieces. What if the rest of the memory doesn't come back? Can you still integrate if you can't remember everything?

The memoirs that we share are those of alters that have learned that it was safer then the time that they where alpha in the body. These memoirs can be both good or bad depending on the things that was happening to the body. For us it was the awarness of safety that allowed us to share with each other. Now with those with in we have a common memior of daily activites when we be shareing the body. But when an out sider made those in the body feel threaten the first comping mechanisim is a form of aminsa. So that the reast do not have to face them memoir of more abuse. But when those with in feel that the threate of more abuse is over then that memoir is shared sometimes by some one asking us about it or seeing the person that cause us to be scared. We may not recall every thing but the need to vomite is still enough warning to stay away from those that are connected to those feeling.
So when one memior is awaken there can be times like now that we are overwhelmed by the awaking of multiple memiors of past abuse. This is both good and bad because of the fact that we can now choice how we react more easily but the pain of remembering is not always so nice.

We call it blending too - it feels a lot safer to our system.
Right now, we have done a great deal of blending memories and emotions.
It is cool to blend because it is like you get to all be out all at the same time!!
And you have to know how to be nice to the other alters because they also deserve respect. So everyone gets to "speak in their quiet voice" and everyone else still listens to them. And the host gets to have the final word on what will happen. It is cool when the host is grown up and lets us alters stay younger too. We like that a lot and it makes us feel safe finally !!! YIPPIE!!! It is kinda like very cool now - but it was very scary at first because no one knew what to expect. You don't all have to blend at the same time. Andy still thinks he is separate but that is ok. We all love him anyway :-)

the way my therapist explained it to me when I was worried because I could not remember every single second of my life. She said everybody has natural gaps in their memories and those gaps are not because of trauma or they dissociated. even she didn't remember every single second of her life. the things a person naturally cant remember doesnt mean therapy isnt working or theres other parts left to remember. it means those parts of the memories isnt important to remember. she used her daughter going to the fair. Her daughter had a great time on the rides, petting zoo and all the junk food she had, but the only thing she remembers is eating cotton candy. Thats the part of the trip that was important to her. she will always remember that. will she ever remember riding on the tea cups and the swan that kept following her in the petting zoo, who knows. The part of the memory of going to the fair that was important to her at the time she went to the fair was the cotton candy she had never had before. she said none of us every remember every second of our life so we will always even after integrating as a whole person have gaps in our memories. She said I had a choice. I could spend my life worrying about what I cant remember and in doing so miss out on all kinds of things or I could move on past the idea of what I can and cant remember and have a great life with what memories I do have. I chose to move on and not spend my time worrying whether mine and my alters memories are whole or not. I accept them as is and if someday I happen to remember more about things great. Why waste my time in the past worrying about the past when there is so much of the present and future to enjoy. I had gaps in my memories when I first started therapy and I have gaps in my memories now that I'm integrated. Whether I know what the gaps in my memories or not does change anything for me and it doesn't matter to me. theres a thread in psychology about some people moving beyond needing therapy and their therapists. I'm like that on this issue. I don't need to know the things I can't remember they are the past and I prefer to focus on the present and enjoy my life as a student, intern, person is a healthy relationship with my partner and family.

I want to say thank you for tis thread. Right now something within us is happening. Everyone is realizing and talking. Something that has never taken place. For the first time they are realizing that they are not alone and that they all went through something, some the same and some different. Some hold one part of something and another holds the rest. Some do not hold anything similar except they are not alone anymore.

I am caught right now in the middle and afraid. Talking is constant and something that seems to need to be taking place. Sometimes feeling almost as if I cannot breath. Finding it hard to think for words fill my head constantly. Sleep does not come for when I lay down to rest words fill my head and I am constantly having to write. I can write for hours and still need to write some more.

I do not know if this is what you are talking about but right now this is taking place. Just started a few days ago. It is terrifying and hard but also kinda a relief. Sme coming out momentarily before going back inside almost as if they are taking a breath and it is then that I feel as though I cannot breath.

I do appreciate the questions and answers here. I do not know what is happening but maybe this is what is taking place. I am confused and scared, but also something feels right somewhere.

dps

((((((DPS))))) It is scary but it is do able. We are still wrighting our selvs but the fear is that of the unknown. When we were with those that we trusted before they understood that this was a scrary time for all of us. But if you have someone you trust besides you then you will be alright. But if not post here. This has become a life line to us for the simple reason that the ones that we trust are not physcally in our life.So please post here more so that we can help each other not feel so alone.