I can't find "adult" help within me. I need to ask people on the outside to help me with something, coping with triggered feelings. But they cannot see that I am little and need guidance because I look very grown up. How do you explain that to people, that I may look grown up, but am really very young and scared? I want someone to take care of me, but in reality I am an adult who should know what to do. I am the orphan because I am all alone. I don't want to be abandoned again, but I don't feel like I should exist because I should be grown up, I am ashamed.

Thank you for listening to me.