I have been reading this thread, not really knowing what to say. Not knowing how I can be of any support. But this comment made me want to say what thoughts came to my mind.......

The session you had with your T was not a waste. Not at all. Your T will dig deep to find and learn ways to help you and probably someone else. Yes, right now you feel icky. Right now you are feeling overwhelmed by all the memories and emotions. And you seem to be thinking that your T is having these same feelings/thoughts about you. But I can guarantee you that she doesn't see you has dirty or icky. The only thing she is probably struggling with is how to help you to not feel that way about yourself.

I wish I knew what to say to lift your spirits.