Whenever we SI it is something that comes from impulsiveness as it usually happens when we are in the middle of something or when something comes up for us. We are sober. SI'ing is a way to try to make the pain stop. It is somehow trying to bring the pain from the inside to the outside. Somehow if we do it, seeing it somehow releases something from the inside. Sometimes it works for the moment but then when the moment passes then we have both the reason we did it and the thing we did that we then have to deal with. It is like a lose lose situaltion and we pay either way.

We may have planned it sometimes like when we would go to family get togethers and knew that when we got home to get rid of feeling so worthless and the things that happened we knew that we had a way of letting us know we were not good. So I guess in that aspect it was planned in a way. Althugh this is not something that would be done as often as when things would just hit and the need to release the pain came.

Jennifer of dps