(((((((((((rainbow)))))))))))

Can you just allow yourself to wish that you could be a bigger part of T's life without judging yourself so much? I think that is a VERY common thing for people in therapy...many people here (including me) have said at one time or another that they wish for that.

As for driving by her house. What if you just don't do it? It truly is within your control. I know where my T lives, and I used to have really strong urges to drive by his house, but I never have. He lives on the other side of town, and I actually have gone out of my way to drive through that side of town occasionally, just to be in the world that he lives in. I didn't look for T, etc...just drove that route to a friend's house on the other side of T's side of town. I really DO understand the desire.

What if instead of fighting with yourself, you let yourself obsess about KT for a certain amount of time? A couple of times when I felt obsessive, I laid down on my bed and MADE myself think about T for 15 minutes. When my mind wandered, I had to bring it back to T. I imagined him driving, shopping, running, whatever. When the 15 minutes were over I was SO DONE.

I don't know if any of that helps...just know that you don't HAVE to drive by her house. You can get through it, and the urge will get smaller. hang in there.