So my fiance didn’t want to get married so soon. I told him I was scared to lose him because I’ve been hurt so much before that his “I promise” didn’t mean anything to me. I needed proof pretty much, proof that he would stay, proof that he really loved me, and that he wanted to spend his life with me. The conversation went on and he told me “I’ll never leave you” I hugged him then pushed him away and I responded with “then why have you left me before? All this fighting and breaking up is childish, I feel like I’m 16 again. Do you know how much it hurts me when you refuse to talk to me for days at a time? Do you know what goes through my mind each time you run and hide? You tell me I need to open up, you tell me I need to trust you, but how can I when I’m so scared I’ll lose you. You overreact to little insignificant things and refuse to talk to me for days. You also make it hard to talk to you about anything because you always have such a strong opinion. I’m so scared something I say or do will make you leave.” He said “you just need to trust me” I said “how can I when I’m scared you’ll leave me?” He then said “what do you want then?” I can’t just trust, it’s hard for me to do after all that I’ve been through. He’s told me that for how long we’ve been together I should be able to trust him, but I just can’t. I want to trust him, and I do to a certain extent, but I’m just not to the point where I can fully trust him yet. Is that so wrong?

Now we’re engaged and I don’t think he’s too happy about it. He eventually did want to marry me but not now, not like this. I mean we are very much in love, don’t get me wrong we are, but he doesn’t seem content. Trust is still shaky as I have to earn his trust back and I can’t seem to open up to him about much still. I should be able to tell him everything shouldn’t I? He gets upset because I keep things from him but I have a good reason to. I’m still scared of losing him, even now. I’m scared he’ll overreact and that will be the end of things. I don’t know if he’s ready for commitment but I sure am. I love him and only him and want to spend my life with him. He wants to spend his life with me but I’m a bit unconvinced. He says he truly does want to, and I absolutely believe him but something is making me unconvinced, even a tiny bit. Perhaps he can’t help but overreact to things and maybe I should be more understanding but I can’t just leave him alone when he’s upset. I get even more scared when he’s upset or is refusing to talk to me. When that happens I just don’t know what to think. When he’s upset he won’t talk to me at all, and I always give him time but nothing is ever solved because he avoids talking about it ever. He refuses to go to therapy with me, dismissing it as “rubbish anyone could do” and calling me foolish just for suggesting it.

I still need that proof and calling off the wedding well that could possibly mean losing him. I don’t want to have problems with him anymore, I don’t want to fight, I want to open up but he makes it so difficult to do at times. I would like the spend my life with this man but he doesn’t seem to be putting any effort into fixing things, and if he is putting effort into it then it isn’t fixing anything, just making it even more complicated for both of us to figure out.

Most of the time he makes me feel so special, like a true princess. He makes me laugh and smile when I think it’s almost impossible to do. I love who he is from the inside out, but is the overreacting and fighting enough to pull us apart to the point where we can’t be together. It drives me crazy when he refuses to talk to me after a fight or threatens to leave. When he isn’t doing that I’m madly in love with him, well I’m always madly in love with him but well you know what I mean. I get so upset and sad and I feel like giving up. But the times that I hurt, that my heart aches, that I feel dead inside because of him some how seem all worth it because of how he makes me feel otherwise. I don’t know though, I’m so confused. Is it wrong to want proof that he’ll stay?

Now I’m starting to think it was wrong to push him towards marriage but I need that stability, that bond. He said it was fine, and he proposed. I’m happy with him but the pain is getting to be too much at times. He won’t really talk about our engagement in detail, I’ve asked him before if it was rushed or too soon and he said “no, it was what you wanted and I am fine with that. I love you and want to spend my life with you.”

Any thoughts on what I should do?