Deli, so sorry to hear about all of this.

So much to say, but so little, too.

1. Re: Austin-T, you need him for more than "talking you out of it," you need a T to help you cope with the massive, multiple losses you've just suffered. I think you should see Austin. If somehow he won't deal with you, you need immediate help still.

2. Are there any community clinics or other places you can go to seen ASAP by a T? You shouldn't be alone, and I can't imagine that Austin wouldn't help if it's not presented as sui counseling. (How he won't help with that is beyond me.)

3. I think you need to get pdoc to respond IMMEDIATELY--have his office contact him to let him know you need to talk to him. Have Austin get through to him. This is your time of greatest need since you've been on PC. Don't let it go. pdoc is your best ally.

4. You have so many things that are so serious going on right now. You need to recognize that you're probably not thinking fully clearly. All these setbacks can do that to you, plus you have a situation with your processing being compromised due to medication side-effects.

I'm worried about you. Don't do anything stupid, o.k.?

I wish I could be there to help, but I am in spirit.