TheByzantine -

Thanks for your concern.

My mood changes very frequently, often several times a day, but I'll try to elaborate more on my post. I wrote it pretty late at night and didn't take a whole lot of time to mull over it so it's probably not as clear as I wanted it to be.

When I said I was apathetic, I was feeling so as I sat next to her in bed, and when she nudged me and said goodnight. I neither loved her, nor hated her. I felt literally nothing. She could have been anyone lying next to me. But when I was talking about how she makes me angry, I mean that on an ordinary day dealing with her just frustrates me. That's why that feeling of apathy was so significant at the time. Instead of the usual anger there was just nothing.

And when I say I want what we once had, well, that should be understandable. I want to be happy. I've been spending a lot of time and energy fighting to have what we used to have and now that I see that's impossible, a part of me wants to find that in someone else. But I'm a pessimist. I'm convinced if I try looking for someone else, I'll just be in this situation again.

As far as my mood status goes, I usually forget it's even there. I change it now and then when I'm feeling a strong emotion I want to express, but otherwise I just don't even think about it. So, sorry for the confusion.

I'm aware I should be talking to someone about these mood issues. But I've been seeing positive progress in my behavior and mood just from changing my outlook on life and making various changes in my lifestyle.

Thanks for the concern and support, everyone.

I am 100% single and free now. I haven't cut off contact but at least I know for sure I no longer have any kind of commitment to her.