Well, I signed up for this to get some opinions on my situation. I must inform you that this is a strange situation for most people to understand at first, but I will try to do the best I can. I really need help with this situation because I just don't think I can make it anymore.

I am a 39 year old Male living in New York. I have three children ages 18 (son), 14 (daughter) and a 12 Year old (son). I love my children and would do anything for them. My two oldest were both on the High Honor roll in High School and my 12 year old does very well in school too. My oldest recieved an Academic Scholarship to a local college that he will be attending in the fall. They are very smart and very athletic children. I never had any problems with them thus far and hope and pray I dont in the future.

Here is my story: I was 16 years old and had just moved into a new town. I was a Bronx kid, born and raised. My parents decided to move to a very rich part of Westchester New York where I definately did NOT fit in. The only thing that helped me was that I was a very good aggressive football player. After a year in this new town my parents noticed that I had a few girlfriends. That scared them because we were Albanian and they insisted that I marry someone from my background. I didn't really care for that type of arrangement, but I had no say. I was 17 years old and in High School when my parents approached me one day. It was the summer and I do believe I was at the beach all day that day. My father came up to me and said, "Son, We have to talk to you!" I didn't think much of it since I was at the beach with my uncle all day. My father looked at me and told me that I was getting older and that I would soon have to settle down. I couldn't believe my ears.....I was just in High School and here he is giving me this absolutely rediculous speech, but wait it gets worse! He told me that on that day I was officially ENGAGED to a girl that was also Albanian. My head started to spin and it really felt like i was kicked in the gut by a Horse or Elephant. The pain was excruciating and I wanted to just cry. I begged them and pleaded with them to not let this happen, but they would have none of it. "You are the oldest son and as you do your brothers will do!" I wanted to die! How could they do this to me. I didn't need to be arranged! I had plenty of time for marriage and I had a great girlfriend. I was shocked that my parents without consulting with me would do this. I hated them and felt like I would never let this happen. They told me it was too late the engagement is official and there was nothing I could do. I was devastated by the news and I NEVER EVEN MET The GIRL.

It wasn't soon after at the age of 19 that they set up the "wedding" it was the worst thing that could have happened to me. I was in my first year of college. I actually received an Academic scholarship to this School, but lost it after only my first semester. I just couldnt concentrate on school. I swore to them that I would never marry her and I would go to the ceremony so as not to embarass them, but I WOULD NEVER MARRY Her. I met "her" that day. I hated seeing her. She was nothing that I would ever want to have as a wife. Maybe it was because I just broke up with my girlfriend because I didnt know what was going to happen with my life and I didn't want her to go through this nonsense. I tried for a long time to end the relationship. I told her to go home. I told her I didn't think sshe should be here. SHe just brushed it off and said I am not leaving. She wouldnt leave because it would be an embarassment to her family. I was a college kid and most kids in town new I was "married" but I wasnt. I never made it official. It was very difficult at that time to even talk to a girl because they all said "oh Your married." I eventually slept with her after months of sleeping in the basement. I was a teenager, I had to have sex. I didn't know what to do. I was scared to go against my parents, I guess I just lacked the courage to leave.

I have told her from the beginning that I didn't love her. I have told her from the beginning that I was a weak kid at that point in my life because If i was the person I am today, we wouldnt be a couple. After having the three kids I vowed to be a great father. I always made it a point to be there for my kids and provide them with the things I never had. I wanted to be there for my kids so that What happened to me would never happen to them. I made sure I provided for them and I always made sure to be there for them. Every school activity, every high school football game or girls soccer game I am there. I never want to hurt my kids, but I am dying inside. I guess it hit me hard when my son graduated high school and was accepted to the same college I attended. It made me realize that 20 years have passed and I can't believe I am still in this relationship with a person I never loved. I must say I have dated many times and never tried to hide it. The kids mother has always known, but has never wanted to leave. I have paid all the bills in the house, her car, her phone, her insurance, EVERYTHING. She never worked because of the kids and even now that the kids are grown she doesnt work. I don't know what to do! I sit here and think how in the world can I let another 20 years pass with a woman I dont love, have never loved, and will probably never love!