It is really hard. The possibility that I might get to see my old T again keeps pulling at me. I get really excited about the possibility, but then I remember that there may not be a time that works for both of us and then it crashes again.

I'm also realizing how much the T I have been seeing really hasn't worked for getting any in depth work done. We didn't really mesh well. And just how unsafe I was feeling with her. How demanding she seemed and how it made me scared. That it felt like she blamed me for not being able to trust her. And that just made me even more uncomfortable.

I still have two more sessions and I feel like I don't know if I want to go. She reminds me so much of a clinical supervisor who I had that I wasn't able to work with very well (very complicated situation). I just feel really alone. But also embarrassed because I don't think that being on my own should make me feel this bad.