Hi John,
Believe it or not I get social phobic in the "3d" world, but yet everything else that you mentioned fits my son, husband, and me, so do you think that makes us misfits?
Nah, John you are not a misfit, everyone is different in
the way they approach relationships with others. My son can socialize easier with someone who plays an instrument, or is into literature,things related to the,world music, arts,philosophy,psychology(his major) but not with sports, sport, and competitive things. He hated Tae Kwon Do (spg) we only sent him to help be less likely to be beat by the bullies, he did well but was never aggressive. He still lives home, commutes to college, socializes with kids, and just like in HS, only kept friends at school, never after school get togethers,parties,etc. What helped him socialize was being in the HS band, which he was afraid to join, but one of his teacher's encouraged him (he was new to the school and kids, we had moved here then) it was a good decision he made, got out and was with other kids.
But he still remains to himself, maybe in college he'll meet some kids that he relates to better due to taking courses of the same interest, who knows?
I have problem with meeting up and going out with other women for lunchs or whatever, so I always decline with some excuse, what I fear I have no idea, cause I like the people that have wanted to get together, but I just can't do it.
My pdoc said it is social phobia, I laughed cause once I know someon and feel comfortable, I can talk their ears off, strange, eh? That is great that you are able to stand up and teach classes, etc. that just may be a begining, eh? I attribute my son's shyness or whatever the proper term, to his 8 horrible years of grammar school, picked on for everything practically, many bullies, he was happy when we had to relocate (hubby's job) he loved his 4yrs of HS, the kids were so nice to him, many said he is a great kid, even some of his band classmates would say that to me after their band practices.
He claims he is happy the way things are with him, well, I hope so. John, was your family extroverts or introverts? I think things like that too come into this too. My son may be that way due to the fact my husband and I very rarely socialize with other people, and it isn't cause we are snobs, we just are comfortable like that, I guess or maybe him and I have become too lazy? ha!ha!
I may just babbling here, but I hope you will become more comfortable, don't be so hard on yourself, or pressured.
I know what makes it hard for my son, is that he is not into parties,drinking,smoking, and sex,the things young people get into, so finding what he feels is the "right people" is hard for him, so he doesn't go out of his way either. He is comfortable to stay home after school.
I guess I am lucky, but I hope he is happy or if not willing to talk about it all. John, I think by you coming here can help, also if you feel up to it, talk to a counsellar/therapist, it may help.
Yes a lot of things can stick with us from childhood, I think it is something that is part of us, our very own being. The environment we grow up in at home and outside of it. Our parents, sort of show us the path (not literally) we begin, and that is were some personality traits come from, I'm sure.
I think you are fine, and you are going to do great with college and after. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself.
Sincerely,
DE

(((((((((((( John )))))))))))))))))

I apologize for such a lengthy reply.