Quote:
Originally Posted by TheByzantine
My thought is you conveyed your thinking on the matter to your supervisor who took it to the manager. Once you received the clarification, what more was there to say but a thank you?
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there was not really anything more to say, just the need to make sure that i was understood... in that example, i felt like it was important to make sure that they were aware of how/why i had been doing it the way i had been doing... *shrugs* but when i am no longer in that situation, who cares? i mean, they aren't going to be spending anytime thinking about the situation, unless they think about it as another instance where i argued... but lol, you are right, at least IMO... thank you for your reply
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emotionally Dead
I know exactly how you feel! I am the same way. Soul mate! Haha. Anyways I just really saw myself in your post. There's a couple of things you have that I have. For one, I am very defensive. It seems like you may be the same way. Which leads me to the second thing, you feel the need to explain yourself too much. Which the defensiveness and the explaining CAN go hand-in-hand. Though it doesn't always, of course. I've always had these problems and I too have the problem where no one gets me. Also, when I try to explain things to people they either think I am picking a fight or I am trying to prove them wrong. Which isn't the case.
My thing is I want people to know why I think the way I do, or if I made a mistake, why I made the mistake I did. Normally if I do something wrong I did it because of a way I was told, wasn't told, or something of that nature. I have a Supervisor much like yours who doesn't want to hear it, but I still tell him. I don't mind if he gets mad at me (not much he can do anyways, he has to go through the School District to get rid of me) and I just like my Supervisor to know that everything I do has an explanation for it. Same goes with friends, family, my animals (just kidding, lol) but you know things of that sort.
The good news is you aren't the only one! Here's the bad news.. There is no cure! We were blessed with this and we will always have it, haha. Unless we tell ourselves to shut up, or duct tape our mouth (super glue might work better actually..) then we will always have this problem. We just have to deal with it, and so do the people around us. Take care mate. |
i think you hit the nail on the head with the "defensive" observation! thank you for putting it into that light... tho i disagree that there is nothing to be done about it
i'm a big believer in the power to change, and i believe that i can change myself, especially if my issue is rooted in insecurity. i may still want to make sure that i communicate clearly, but i don't need to over explain EVERYTHING... lol, thank you very much for your reply tho, and it does feel good to realize that i am not in fact the only person who does this...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna
I think I know where you are coming from; I did/do the same thing, have the same "need" to be understood. I was in therapy for a long time to help with that, don't know what I would suggest to you other than maybe the more you are "aware" you are feeling that way and just do as TheByzantine says and "stop"/stifle yourself maybe the need will lessen?
I guess I would first try to learn to preface my explanations with a "joyous" look  lit-up eyes and big smile of gratitude and then a kind of exaggerated, "Oh! I thought. . ." as if I'm really glad it was clarified. They might not see that as arguing, might just think I'm "slow" to understand.
Of course, one might not want one's boss to think one was slow so I'd train myself to first respond to something with a "code" word or expression to myself that would help me learn to not explain beyond a particular point, except in my head. I'd maybe immediately say, "Oh, I get it now!" or something innocuous like that.
Maybe if you treated explaining as if it were "punishment" and made a note of it and wrote it out in a journal at night after you got home or something? Or, if you do a desk job w/computer to yourself, maybe type it up in a personal file quickly instead of saying it? |
thank you so much! this was very helpful... i know it isn't the right term, but i love mnemonic device type trigger/memory things... i will work on that! and the journal idea was a good one too, tho i don't like to look at things as punishment, as a general rule, it would be good to sorta keep track of it, and explore it and see what will work. i also like the idea of training myself to use a sorta "i got it" catch phrase so that i am expressing that first, which will hopefully help me to stop the over-explaining... and the anxiety that goes along with that... i am also struggling with teaching myself not to say "i know" when someone tells me something, lol, i mean it as "oh i get you, no need to continue" which is what i wish people would say to me, but *sigh* most people i know aren't very psychic so, i feel like they think i am just a "know-it-all"
thank you all so much for your replies!