I (Ella) was staring into the mirror this morning, trying to work out who I am. I don't recognise that face. When I look, I never see what I expect. I don't know what I expect any more. It used to be worse. I am 24 and finally Karen, the core, has caught up physically. When we were seven, when I came first, it was much harder. Stuck in a child's body. But we've always been good at pretending to be 'normal' so we carried on living, we knew it would be OK one day.

We have never minded, particularly, what we saw in the mirror. We're not pretty, but we're not ugly. We have a healthy sense of our physical self, even when Karen is too depressed to move.

The mirror holds a lot of promise for us. It shows us who we might become rather than who we are. It shows us how the Outside sees us, what we aspire to be. It shows us how to act to fit in, to appear 'normal', to function. The mirror represents the past, present and future. It shows us where we've come from, shows the scars. It shows us where we are, shows the healing. It shows us where we will be, shows the refuge.

We live Inside, all three of us. We interact with the Outside, but we are not there. We're too dissociated right now, no one can ground.

How do you feel about the mirror?