Looking into the mirror

I (Ella) was staring into the mirror this morning, trying to work out who I am. I don't recognise that face. When I look, I never see what I expect. I don't know what I expect any more. It used to be worse. I am 24 and finally Karen, the core, has caught up physically. When we were seven, when I came first, it was much harder. Stuck in a child's body. But we've always been good at pretending to be 'normal' so we carried on living, we knew it would be OK one day.

We have never minded, particularly, what we saw in the mirror. We're not pretty, but we're not ugly. We have a healthy sense of our physical self, even when Karen is too depressed to move.

The mirror holds a lot of promise for us. It shows us who we might become rather than who we are. It shows us how the Outside sees us, what we aspire to be. It shows us how to act to fit in, to appear 'normal', to function. The mirror represents the past, present and future. It shows us where we've come from, shows the scars. It shows us where we are, shows the healing. It shows us where we will be, shows the refuge.

We live Inside, all three of us. We interact with the Outside, but we are not there. We're too dissociated right now, no one can ground.

How do you feel about the mirror?

I see my mom in the mirror. I am working on it tho. I look so much like her it make me ill. I have to mentally prepare to look in the mirror or I am triggered. I ahve to notice the differences in order to use the mirror. Otherwise, I avoid it.

I avoid mirrors too. Too often I feel like I'm watching someone else when I look in the mirror. It feels weird.

I also look just like my mom, Nupoet. I think that's part of why I have facial piercings and blue hair. Things she'd NEVER do.

We despise mirrors
if we could live in a home without them, we would

We don't care for mirriors either, especially since they show us what we look like, not how the world sees us, and we are d*sf*gured....

(Webber)Erik

We hate the mirror. We like neither the image it shows that is incorrect, nor the image it shows that is correct. Whatever correct is.
Sorry if that doesn't really make sense.

It makes a great deal of sense Gr3tta, although thinking of our own image not yours. To us, yours likely would look quite correct or as they say: "She looks like herself".

...

if you want to know how you are beautiful look at yourself in the eyes of some one who really loves you

there like fun house mirrors......1 and all..... i just try to stay away

Sometimes I see a mirror and gasp. I say,
There you are!
I've missed you so much...
Please stay.
There have been a few occasions, though,
when I look at the mirror and feel confused.
What are these... shapes?
Features foreign...
Who is this?
It... can't be me...
But mostly, I look in the mirror,
and see the face familiar.
I blow a kiss, and say hello.
After all... It just doesn't do
to alienate
myself.

Ditto that....it's just too creepy.....