how is it possible that i wake up one day numb, emotionally shut down, monotone, and blank, but wake up the next with more emotions then i can deal with.
i hate it.
it keeps me miserable.
it makes me unpleasant.
it makes others hate me.
and it makes me hate myself.
what is the point of living a life like that.
i cant help anyone because im too busy taking care of myself.
but thats a waste of time.
because i cant even help myself.
i feel like i should cry.
but ive done it so much i dont have tears left to cry.
im dry. and dead. and helpless.
i need to just take a bottle of pills. or an overflowing bath. i need to 'shave' or 'iron'.
i need to feel something on the outside because i cant feel anything on the inside.
im just messed up. im a freak. im worthless. im a waste.
dont try and help because im not asking.
i just need someone to know im not the superwoman i show everyone.
i guess i put myself in this mess though. im just a girl stuck in between the quickly closing in walls i built around myself.