allie, it sounds like you are rapid cycling.  i am bipolar and with meds the roller coaster is manageable. i don't know your dx but it sounds a lot like i was and i was purely miserable until i got a pdoc that found a good combo of meds that stabalized me. it's been good for about 20 years now doing that and therapy about every 6 weeks.
i can totally relate how u r feeling right now. can you see a pdoc to start you on the road to normalcy? note i didn't say normal.  lol. i can't claim normal but i sure am a lot better.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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