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#1
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how is it possible that i wake up one day numb, emotionally shut down, monotone, and blank, but wake up the next with more emotions then i can deal with.
i hate it. it keeps me miserable. it makes me unpleasant. it makes others hate me. and it makes me hate myself. what is the point of living a life like that. i cant help anyone because im too busy taking care of myself. but thats a waste of time. because i cant even help myself. i feel like i should cry. but ive done it so much i dont have tears left to cry. im dry. and dead. and helpless. i need to just take a bottle of pills. or an overflowing bath. i need to 'shave' or 'iron'. i need to feel something on the outside because i cant feel anything on the inside. im just messed up. im a freak. im worthless. im a waste. dont try and help because im not asking. i just need someone to know im not the superwoman i show everyone. i guess i put myself in this mess though. im just a girl stuck in between the quickly closing in walls i built around myself.
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THeyCallMeAllieAutopsy(:
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#2
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(((allie))) It sounds like you are on an emotional rollercoaster. Is it like this all the time? do you have a T?
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"Be careful how you speak to your children. One day it will become their inner voice." - Peggy O'Mara Don't ever mistake MY SILENCE for ignorance, MY CALMNESS for acceptance, MY KINDNESS for weakness. - unknown |
#3
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yeah this is pretty normal but i dont have a therapist atm. i need one for sure though
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THeyCallMeAllieAutopsy(:
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#4
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allie, it sounds like you are rapid cycling.
![]() i can totally relate how u r feeling right now. can you see a pdoc to start you on the road to normalcy? note i didn't say normal. ![]()
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
#5
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I get like that - I'm BPII with rapid cycling.
My colleagues, friends and boyfriend never know what Jackie they're going to wake up to. I'll be totally depressed on day, take a sleeping tab to climb into bed and hide, and the next day I wake up fine.. It is draining. I'm busy chatting to my pdoc to change my meds, and will see my T tomorrow
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"I'd rather attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. Robert H. Schuller" Current dx: Bipolar Disorder Unspecified Current Meds: Epitec (Lamotrigine) 300mg, Solian 50mg, Seroquel 25mg PRN, Metformin 500mg, Klonopin prn |
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