I hope this is the right place for this discussion. Since I am new please forgive me if this is the wrong place.

I have a major addiction problem that I have been trying to kick for the last 18 months with little success. It is so embarrassing that I have not been able to share it with my wife and even my therapist has been unhelpful as he hasn't dealt with anything like it. If you read and only want to heap more shame on me, please don't comment. My shame and regret is bad enough that it has led to a couple of suicide attempts. I don't need any additional guilt added to me.

I have had a fake account on Facebook for almost 2 years. The account is based on pictures of a girl I know who is 22 years old. I am 48 years old. This profile on Facebook has been my main source of entertainment for almost 2 years. In the profile she is a 23 year old lesbian. I have sought out friendships and in a couple of cases, relationships with other lesbians on Facebook for the purpose of friendship, companionship and occasionally for cyber sex. There were 3 girls with whom I had become very close to the point that I lost context of my reality and was literally falling in love with one of them...even though we had obviously never met in person.

I know. Horrible. Disgusting. Perverse...and so much more. I have called myself every sick name in the book.

Two days ago I deleted all of the friends, profile information, pictures and finally deactivated the account. I made up a reason for having to go away and let my friends know I was leaving.

That was finally a step in the right direction. I am glad that I deleted the profile but now I am faced with incredible grief and emotional pain. It is like this profile who was a part of me has died and I am grieving the loss of the friendships...and the loss of a major part of who I had become. I am also struggling with real regret over the pain that I most likely have caused the girls who had become friends. As it is, I left them without telling them the truth about me and for those who were very close to me they will have enough loss to process without having to deal with the truth that a person they trusted with deep personal secrets isn't even a real person.

If you are still reading and not so disgusted with me, can you offer any insight on how I can process this and regain a normal grip on my life? I have lost touch with reality and am hurting and desperate to get my own real life back.