kacey, thank you so much for your post. Thanks for encouraging me to send the email. I might do that. I'm going to sleep on it. I'm afraid of that feeling when I've sent an email and then regret it and can't take it back.

thanks for sharing your experience. It does help to know I'm not alone. It definitely goes back to childhood abuse and abandonment with me, too. I wish I thought it was something I could ever fully recover from. It's deeper than the trauma, deeper than anything.