iI totally get it. I to feel worthless, I should be out there working etc. To make matters worse all of my husbands friends have stopped coming around and it was just a year ago that they did come on race days, we would all have so much fun etc. But I have a temper and i went off on one of them one day and now he is ruthless with rumors about me so no one comes by. I have many issues as to why I don't work, but I need to get out there and try because my husband is trying to file bankruptsy due to the fact we can't pay the medical bills, and we had no choice but to live off our credit cards maxing them out. He needs my help, but with the few applications I have filled out they know I am sick so they won't hire me without a doctors release, which at the moment he refuses to give me one. He feels that if I go out and work, I may fail and by failing it may cause me to be suicidal again. I also am still recovering from cancer, and it may be back, we don't know yet.

I can't tell you to hang in there, how can I when I dont feel like hanging on myself? What I can say is I understand and you feel free to vent anything you wish to me anytime ok? I hope that helps a little.