((struggling2010)) - I'm sorry for everything that's happened to you. This sounds like the classic addictive, abusive relationship. I'm assuming there will be a court case -is that right? When a partner tries to kill you, this isn't love and trying to reason or get an answer will only lead to more frustration for you.

It's normal to miss, even a dysfunctional relationship and I suggest you get some outside support to control those urges of trying to communicate or go back to him. I don't think you should contact him at all - not by phone, text or email. Don't try to solve this with him.

Please don't back down from testifying against him. It's nice of you to want to help him, but you're not the person who can do this. He also can't help you get over the trauma you've been through. This is addictive love not real love.