Not sure but possibly BPD and/or ?? ended in assault

struggling2010 · Nov 04, 2010, 03:49 PM

Struggling with things that happened ...
everyone will say you draw the line at physical assault no matter what. either the person suffers from a PD or not or combination ... what have you.

I think the best way to tell the story is posting a letter. It's long. And before I read more about BPD. Which interestingly I had emailed him articles on BPD, paranoia, and narcissism with counseling information on 1/14/10 this year! I knew something wasn't "normal" but wasn't sure what. And things just somehow worked out to be going back to him trying to work things out. Then on 9/9/10 it ended with him strangling me twice and trying to pull my mouth apart when I was calling out for help. He was booked for FELONY ADW (GBI) and False Imprisonment. Was in from Thu. 9/9 until Mon., 9/13. I highlighted the police report and sent it to him.

Quote:

How could you have done this to me? Do you not know what you have done to me? How much you hurt me emotionally, mentally, and physically?? To think I cared about your welfare and what happens to you. Detective was going to talk with you on Tuesday. I knew then you'll be in jail longer and sought to get you out on Monday [ex's name]. Even after you've tried to kill me!

And instead of showing that you have some decency in you by at least writing some semblance to show a sincere remorseful apology, you have been with [girl's name] since you got out of Jail. Even after what was noted to you regarding issues surrounding her and your conduct of almost trying to kill me. She's been deceitful and lying to you and cursing at you all ready [ex's name]. She worth it?

Your MOTIVE?? ... you must really really desperately needed to get rid of me but didn't know what to do you as you didn't want to fully let go.

I had said to you many times not to lie to me or hurt me (lying is also hurtful) and not to ever physically hurt me and I won't leave. Yet you did all of these things to get rid of me. Almost by trying to kill me [ex's name]. Why did you play with my emotions?

You are the typical abuser as it says. One minute it's over, next minute you'll "do anything" and don't want me to "leave you" and you "have no one else". That you'll always love me. I fell for your lip service indeed and put my life in jeopardy of your insanity.

All this you did to me, so what, so you could freely be with [girl's name]? Is that it? I told you you should try to get together with [girl's name].
She seems like a good match for you (and considering how she is and how you turned out to be, I was right about that too).

You denied that too and made your excuses (all the while apparently lying to yourself as well about was going on). Why couldn't you just say so and let me be instead of going back and forth and confusing the matter. Either you did or you didn't want to work it out. Not what you did [ex's name].

You've been with her a lot before the incident, including the night before you tried to kill me and you didn't say anything about it. Why hide that? Plus the fact that you were supposed to have decreased contact wit her but you spoke to her quite a few times after her desperate pleading voice mails she left you that day. And you've been with her since you got out of jail. I bet she was one of the first people you tried calling. You make irrational choices too often and end up in awful situations and hurt people. Have you ever done this before and just hiding it well as real abusers do?

Quote:

Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Him: 8:08:10 PM i have anger issues i feel at middle of night i get bad dreams
Him: 8:08:32 PM cry in sleep, its not good feeling i have
Me: 8:09:29 PM you`re not making sense
Him: 8:10:31 PM its just feelings i have ,, i get emotional this past week,,
me: 9:18:57 PM but it is NOT
me: 9:19:01 PM so forget it all
me: 9:19:12 PM forget it
me: 9:19:13 PM i`m done
me: 9:19:17 PM you still say the same ****
him: 9:19:30 PM no,
me: 9:20:23 PM so goodbye
him: 9:20:26 PM what about you?
him: 9:20:46 PM no, i mean it@!,
me: 9:21:09 PM sorry you had too many chances
him: 9:21:41 PM understand what you will do to me if you leave me?
him: 9:22:29 PM my chest begins to hurt when you bring it up,
him: 9:23:07 PM you will hurt me very much if you do this to me.
me: 9:27:44 PM you made excuses
me: 9:28:08 PM I am sorry that you are that way
me: 9:28:15 PM that is the thing I am sorry for
him: 10:46:44 PM my life is ****ed up, it be more if you leave me,,,,,,,,,,,,
me: 10:47:17 PM well you don`t get anything that is of importance
him: 10:47:26 PM then i will have nothing
me: 9:25:59 PM so please stop your lying
me: 10:48:36 PM YOU are the ONLY that created this situation of yours
me: 10:48:55 PM YOU had the power and control BUT nope you do what you did and do b/c
{Because} of your messed up way of thinking
me: 10:49:03 PM that`s what got you in the mess in the first place
me: 10:49:11 PM and from it you never learned from it after TWO YEARS
me: 10:49:19 PM so I can`t do anymore for you on that

Saturday, August 21, 2010 6:38:10 PM
Between [him] & me
Sender Message [him]: 7:08:28 PM
your all i really have, i may talk or or be friends with people you see around but deep down your the one I can talk most to and if you understand how this is and feels ,,whaty iam going thru. Iam still mad at you, no i dont want to give you transcript, you should f just came over on Wed. as i asked,

Wednesday September 1, 2010 11:05:56 AM
i was testing you. and you didnt come over to see me, i guess you didnt want me back with you i was willing too do anyrthing, but i had to
know from you , its why i asked you to show me. you failed, your not here with me now as you should have been, iam sad for that.. guess
i`ll head back down south today , got some work to do this evening.

-----------------
Date/Time: Saturday, September 04, 2010 11:19 PM
Subject Re:
Message
i need to know if i can depend on you, you never leave me, assure me as i to everything you ask for, but with that i need your respect of me and how i feel you in my life forever, but not with the pain, iam sure it goes with you on that anger deep inside because of you, if i give you all back myself again, please do feel, even if it was my doing ,,its justthta your all i got and i dont want to need your help to get back the relationship of what we had, such as me and you you coming to be with me on my days off, having lunch together,

How could you wanted it and then turn around and do these things? That's not someone who's in love. Getting your rocks off
still. Then angry because I didn't want it with you you try to kill me??

Again part of your bitterness and anger you've shown in the past couple of weeks I've never known. The two of you started
fighting last Tuesday. Her whinny begging pleading crying the next day of her willing to "do anything" if you call her back "just
one more time" and saying she'll "show you" her "poetry", her "baby pictures", and "whatever you want", anything at all. She
tried contacting you over a dozen times in the short amount of time. And you thought nothing was wrong with that conduct. In
fact you stated that's how she is, mental, and drinks a lot, even in the mornings. And you thought that was wrong yet she's
apparently worth more to you. Why would she say and act that way towards you if she's nothing more then just "simple
friends" plus development with lies, deceit, and anger isn't good. She says she's mentally unstable even. These behaviors you
two having been sharing are not an ok thing between just mere friend.

You've said yourself she's unstable and acts crazy like
that. Yet you think she's of more value somehow and tried to kill me over and attack me the way you did? How is that normal?
I even said to you you changed. With an attitude and a chip on your shoulder. Bitterness and anger I've never witnessed.
You denied it. In fact you said to me "GET USED TO IT" even when I brought up about how you've changed and being really
awful.

So is she worth it? Worth almost killing me over? Over this unstable person who stated herself she hasn't been a good friend to you? Who didn't bother reaching out to you to hear your troubles and dumps all her troubles. And who's getting out of a troubled relationship of 8.5 years with a boyfriend threatening to "kill her" and who's cheated on her, all her words. And you
felt she's worth it. Guess that would make sense, she's really perfect for you in that sense, she'll be more forgiving of your unscrupulous behavior. She shouldn't have much trust issues with you since she'll most likely just let you treat her that way and ok with you flocking around with other girls and abuse her just like in the 8.5 year relationship she was in. And for her to continue on with you knowing what you did to another person says something about her too. But not shocking considering the relationship she was in with her ex. She's been lying to you too [ex's name] for christ sake. And she was worth almost killing over!?

You attempted to kill me. Do you not know that?? Someone who gave you chances after chances because I gave a care and all I wanted you to be a good person or believe you are or could be and for you to be truthful and honest with me. But after all that, all the help I gave you, more ways then one, with articles for self-improvement and talks, you simply would not listen to any of it. One is that you devalued me and another is you simply didn't care to be a better person. All this even though I had my mistrust issues with you and you made me very angry more and more because you kept turning out to be the bad person I feared after all. I am sick that I let you abuse me like that. All that I've done for you and this is how you treated me. Not only a disappointed but my life was in danger by your hands. You couldn't even be honest about [girl's name] must less anything else. She was there with you the night before you tried to kill me [ex's name]!

And here's [girl's name] cussing at you with "****ing" and "****" all ready even. When she start that? And she's such a "good friend" to you? Apparently worth trying to kill me over. How is she such a "good friend" who's all ready cussing at you, desperately begging for things, not listening to you or really trying to help you in your troubles. She doesn't even know about your troubles much less about you in the least. In fact she said she hasn't been a good friend to you as all she talks about is herself. What
has she done for you in comparison? Really think about that. She just dumps all her troubles on you, not even bothering or caring about you and your troubles just because she wrote you a Declaration. So in the short amount of time you two started excessively contacting each other you've became a really horrible man. Flocking around with her not acting right by the things you said and been doing, being deceitful again, and treat me and talk to me worse then ever and I'm the abusive one? Not to mention that you tried to kill me over her. You cannot dismiss the very obvious fact to anyone looking in that since her you have become this atrocious monster and not only verbally abused me but physically abused me in an attempt to kill. Guess a lonely, desperate, selfish, immature, self-loathing abusive girl is exactly what you need and you have scored! Good for you.

If you were a decent human being who actually meant anything of care you spewed out of your mouth you'd want to voice your remorse. Take the time, while you were in jail, and even wrote during your times of solitude. But no, nothing. Not a letter, not an email, not anything. A normal sincerely remorseful person would feel compelled to apologize. But reading abusers, they don't think much of it and can't control it even. And the last thing to go to [girl's name]. One who's all ready treating you "badly" and disrespect with lies and deceit [ex's name].

"Get professional help immediately to deal with your anger issues, substance abuse issues, poor boundaries and personal relationship strategies. Seek out the professional assistance of a psychologist or other mental health professional."

"Nobody deserves to be physically or sexually abused. Abusive people are unable or unwilling to control their worst appetites.

They are psychologically ill and or medically ill. Abusers cause the problem of abuse – they perpetrate abuse on those people around them."

I'm conflicted ... why do I care about him in the least?
I think one part is he needs to get help for whatever it is but it's something. So he won't hurt himself (though on moments when I filled with anger I think different) and/or he hurts someone else or ends-up killing.
Other part is I want to believe I was "special" to him, that he really did love me. There's so much more to the story and the sacrifices he did for me.
And why I also feel responsible and guilt. That I instigated him to the point of him having a ... "psychotic breakdown"??
Then I think how can he even not try to show me remorse or attempt to apologize??
And find myself, at times, so sad, crying ... even missing him, then I have to remember, he tried to kill me ... OMG! What the?? How could he do that? How dare he do that? then say NOTHING??

Nov 05, 2010, 01:26 PM

Hello, struggling2010. Is getting professional help an option for you?

struggling2010 · Nov 05, 2010, 01:32 PM

lol! I think I should but you ... the old $$$.
seeing how forums will go ...

lynn P. · Nov 05, 2010, 01:49 PM

((struggling2010)) - I'm sorry for everything that's happened to you. This sounds like the classic addictive, abusive relationship. I'm assuming there will be a court case -is that right? When a partner tries to kill you, this isn't love and trying to reason or get an answer will only lead to more frustration for you.

It's normal to miss, even a dysfunctional relationship and I suggest you get some outside support to control those urges of trying to communicate or go back to him. I don't think you should contact him at all - not by phone, text or email. Don't try to solve this with him.

Please don't back down from testifying against him. It's nice of you to want to help him, but you're not the person who can do this. He also can't help you get over the trauma you've been through. This is addictive love not real love.

struggling2010 · Nov 05, 2010, 03:03 PM

he was in jail. he was booked with a FELONY ADW (GBI) and False Imprisonment on 9/9/10. Released on 9/13/10. Long story short, my wish was not to prosecute and DDA agreed. Investigator and Deputy weren't too happy about that.

Felt he's life was messed up enough as it was. I didn't want that over my head nor did I want (if he ever succeeded) his suicide over my head (one of the reasons I found myself ... back with him throughout the @ 2.5 years.

That's shocking in itself ... I allowed this to go on for so long. Even though I knew only a couple months in and ended then the first time. HOW did this happen? I even sent him articles, we had talks and arguments alike ... about his "normalcy" or rather the lack of one??

We are not together. We are not communicating ... directly anyway. My contact to him were my various emails on HOW could you and my thoughts on it along with articles, info on sites, and books as a guide. Though no one, rather you have a disorder or not, want to hear something ... negative.

The last contact was leaving him with the book Angry Hearts, parts highlighted, pages marked, comments on various paragraphs and note in the sleeves. This was early last week.

Since then he's tried to tell me messages with

Quote:

10/26/10 - @ 9PM learn from mistakes,regrets,wish change,alone

and he actually showed up at an event past Saturday night knowing I would be there. It was ... surprising. WHY would he do that? Why not do something else, with the new girl and that group?

Something else I do not understand / get ...

3 people know for a fact he was in jail for what he did.
1 - the girl, after what she said, help him get out KNOWING he was in jail for choking me, etc ... how dare she say such a thing? What the?? Then to continue on with him. She has issues of her own. Out of a 8.5 year abusive relationship where, according to her own words, her ex threatened to kill her and cheated on her right in front of her??
2 - a female friend who knew of our relationship and the trust struggles, she was shocked he did what he did and didn't want to believe it though he told her as he called her when he was released for a ride home. She spoke with him and said to me, he's not like that ... to apology ... and that he loves me and that he can't ever talk w/ me b/c of the RO (didn't get one)
3 - a male friend who also knew the dynamics of our relationship. These two he wanted me to speak with so they can hear my side of our issues instead of just his. Nice of him eh? Anyway, he said if he was here he'd beat him up for me. Who said to me, at least twice, he's obsessed. Though he too also said No Contact. Which i will not.

Yet all these people, one actually having read the police report. He too said "Honestly [my name] he still loves you". After him saying he'll beat him up for me if he was here for doing that to me. He was also shocked he laid his hands me that way. And that he thinks he might be bi-polar, etc ...

What the? You know what he did to me and you two still say these to me ... what's that supposed to mean? HOW in the world am I supposed to ... process that when I'm struggling with the fact that he hurt like that. What, is that supposed to make me feel better somehow?

Talk about confusion. And why the heck are they ... supportive of him, so it seems?
Is he telling them something to believe in his world of made-up whatever to fit him?
Or are friends and some family so devoted to being and supporting their friend no matter what?

That's awful ... considering what he did to me. Lot of people say draw the line a physical abuse. There is no excuse for ever doing such an act. Disorder or NOT.

An I'm also hurt by the fact that he can't return my things. That was for us ... this hurts and sickens me he'd keep them and to think they either have or will be used with someone else.

You'd think it's also a simple thing ... you were physically abused, disorder or not, you have nothing to do with that person. WHY is it so dang hard then? Why did this happen to me? Karma? b/c I betrayed my ... best friend of 20 years b/c of this man ... so i deserved what I got?

this again his attempt to say something to me with his Yahoo status (he sent me a Connection request??)

Quote:

11/3/10 @ 11:30AM u don’t understand how i feel

Of course I don't understand how he feels ... but why is that an important thing to try and convey to me? And nothing of sorry?

I've done what I can to ... lead him / guide him with the information. At least, for myself, I can know that I did something rather then nothing at all. You know?

... my outside support ... guess are in these forums support sites. These things aren't something I really want to talk with too many other people we know.

What's hard is ... never saw it coming. He was ... amazing otherwise. BUT to accept that all the good was a possibly a lie or not the full truth is HARD too.
YES, in ways, I'm "addicted" to those "good" things I guess? I'm feeling obsessive and seems like I have some mental disorder myself.

Thank you.

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Not sure but possibly BPD and/or ?? ended in assault

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