Maybe I am just a big faker. I have had my parents take my kids all week, and I sit in my chair doing pretty much nothing but watch tv. Maybe I just don't want kids anymore. Maybe I am just a crappy mom who can't handle kids. Maybe I am selfish.

Am I sick, or am I just a pathetic excuse for a person, seeking attention.

My thoughts are so confused and jumbled up. I don't know what to say when someone asks how I am feeling. I don't know how to express myself when I need help. I asked my husband yesterday what I should do about this depression and he said that he doesn't know.

My mind works like a flip book all night long. I have cryptic dreams where I end up walking past the psych ward at the hospital and the staff comes out and walks me away as if going inside would suck me in to illness forever.

I feel like meds are poison. I feel anxious, my stomach is in knots, I sleep too much.

I don't feel legitimate because I can't explain this stuff to anyone. It leads to a 20 minute discussion with people who aren't in a position to analyze me (my parents and friends, generally). I just don't have the energy for that. So I cought a little cold this week and I don't feel all that bad but I played it up like it was the flu so that I could get the help I need with the kids and not have to discuss my mental state with people who don't understand.

I don't even know what I am talking about. I just want to disappear, but I have all these people in my way. I am not thinking straight. How do I sort this all out?

I am feeling like my thoughts are all in knots. I feel like I have to crawl through a rubber band ball to get through the day. It is getting difficult to keep this up all the time.