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Old Jan 14, 2011, 07:52 AM
malapp1 malapp1 is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2011
Location: West Palm Beach, Florida
Posts: 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Innerzone View Post
That you have just described me perfectly, that's what. 5'5" and thin. People who've never witnessed it would not believe in a million years what I'm capable of. Normally, I'm either quiet and just a bit odd or joking around a bit of a weird way (especially when hypomanic, my brain's just making these super-fast leaps of divergent ideas that no one can keep up with. They think I'm weird, I think they are slow of mind...). But when the lightning bolt hits? O.M.G. STAND BACK. Things fly, things slam, things get broken. I've bitten my ex in the collar bone, slashed up the kitchen table, bent expensive hard tempered steel tools, to name only a very few... you get the picture. It gets UGLY. Ferocious? Oh yes.
Seconds flat? It's not even that. It is like a white hot lightning bolt and control is completely lost. Count to 10???!!! As IF! I have no control whatsoever at that point. Meds have helped. I still lose it, but not so frequently or so thoroughly. (Recognizing potential triggers has helped too.)
Regret? You better believe it. I am positively mortified at what happens at those times. In the moment, I can't stop it, though I wish with a thousand wishes that I could. Later... the guilt, the remorse, the self-loathing? Oh yes.
I am very sorry for you. This has to be one of lifes most impossible adventures. Was there a time when you were not medicated, do you have clear recall of those times. Did you single out those close to you or was it just random. If, in her case, stress is truely a trigger, what would be your guess as to what will happen next. She is undoubtedly under severe stress, do you think she has at least momentary recall of events.