I had to do it. I couldn't stand Jesse and Rachel playing with my head, playing with my emotions. One day Jesse is my friend, the next I'm a crazy ***** who should just kill herself. Rachel's always seeking revenge on me for no reason, and when I accuse them of being jerks they just say I like to play the victim, that they did nothing wrong, I deserve it, I'm stupid, retarded, etc.

I got tired of it. Tired of hurting, tried of crying.

They tried playing games again, she went and teamviewered with him (which for those that don't know is a program that lets you into your partner's computer and you can go through their files, see their msn chats, talk to the people there, etc. Basically it's the best tool to use when you wanna trick and hurt people), and harassed me thinking it was him. When he came back he said he was there watching it, he had let it go on, he didn't give a ****. Then he said he no longer wanted to talk to me, I'm this and I'm that. So, while Rachel was trying to talk to me, I went off and told her all the lies, all the crap, he told me, while acting like her friend, acting like I forgave her. She got pissed, and sadly enough I loved it. He started getting pissed at me for telling her and I mocked him. Then, when I was satisfied I just up and told her that it'd been fun but I wasn't interested in carrying out our conversation longer than needed. In response she called me retarded and in response to that I said "LMAO. k. im retarded xD hopefully, we wont have to hear from each other again so i dont infect you with some "retardism". or maybe it would do u some good, you know, teach you to keep your clothes on." and I left before she could respond.

I was hitting below the belt I think. Being mean and acting like a ****** is not my strong point, not something I'm used to.. That's Rachel's specialty. I usually take it all, cry, and then hate myself. They don't respond to just talking it out, don't respond to accusations, those famous "I" statements, or ignoring. I had to be her for a moment, I'm not proud of it really.. but I am happy that I didn't come out of this in tears, hurting or anything. I'm happy I didn't leave her thinking that she had manipulated me, and I'm happy knowing that she knows every last piece of **** Jesse told me which makes him mad, and while it might not do anything to their friendship/relationship I don't care cause that wasn't even the point. They played with me for so long, Rachel for 3 years. I just wanted a half hour to play with her instead, turn the tables. They can both think I lied, that I'm a ****** and tell all their friends how much of a bad person I am.. I kind of want them to, cause the idea.. seems so hilarious.

To be honest, I'm really freaking myself out. I've never been this way before, and I feel it's not good for me to be this way. I'd love some advice on how to deal with things better? While lowering myself to their level and toying with them was some good last minute revenge.. it doesn't feel like it's very "me".. if you get what I mean. Hopefully no one hates me for suddenly being mean.. Well you can lecture me "BAD LFMN" but advice would be nice too.