Not really proud of it, but it did feel good..

I had to do it. I couldn't stand Jesse and Rachel playing with my head, playing with my emotions. One day Jesse is my friend, the next I'm a crazy ***** who should just kill herself. Rachel's always seeking revenge on me for no reason, and when I accuse them of being jerks they just say I like to play the victim, that they did nothing wrong, I deserve it, I'm stupid, retarded, etc.

I got tired of it. Tired of hurting, tried of crying.

They tried playing games again, she went and teamviewered with him (which for those that don't know is a program that lets you into your partner's computer and you can go through their files, see their msn chats, talk to the people there, etc. Basically it's the best tool to use when you wanna trick and hurt people), and harassed me thinking it was him. When he came back he said he was there watching it, he had let it go on, he didn't give a ****. Then he said he no longer wanted to talk to me, I'm this and I'm that. So, while Rachel was trying to talk to me, I went off and told her all the lies, all the crap, he told me, while acting like her friend, acting like I forgave her. She got pissed, and sadly enough I loved it. He started getting pissed at me for telling her and I mocked him. Then, when I was satisfied I just up and told her that it'd been fun but I wasn't interested in carrying out our conversation longer than needed. In response she called me retarded and in response to that I said "LMAO. k. im retarded xD hopefully, we wont have to hear from each other again so i dont infect you with some "retardism". or maybe it would do u some good, you know, teach you to keep your clothes on." and I left before she could respond.

I was hitting below the belt I think. Being mean and acting like a ****** is not my strong point, not something I'm used to.. That's Rachel's specialty. I usually take it all, cry, and then hate myself. They don't respond to just talking it out, don't respond to accusations, those famous "I" statements, or ignoring. I had to be her for a moment, I'm not proud of it really.. but I am happy that I didn't come out of this in tears, hurting or anything. I'm happy I didn't leave her thinking that she had manipulated me, and I'm happy knowing that she knows every last piece of **** Jesse told me which makes him mad, and while it might not do anything to their friendship/relationship I don't care cause that wasn't even the point. They played with me for so long, Rachel for 3 years. I just wanted a half hour to play with her instead, turn the tables. They can both think I lied, that I'm a ****** and tell all their friends how much of a bad person I am.. I kind of want them to, cause the idea.. seems so hilarious.

To be honest, I'm really freaking myself out. I've never been this way before, and I feel it's not good for me to be this way. I'd love some advice on how to deal with things better? While lowering myself to their level and toying with them was some good last minute revenge.. it doesn't feel like it's very "me".. if you get what I mean. Hopefully no one hates me for suddenly being mean.. Well you can lecture me "BAD LFMN" but advice would be nice too.

Sounds like you handled it better than I would; if that happened to me I think I would have lost it and put my steeltoes in someones @$$, especially after three years!

I know there is a "right" way to handle a situation like that, but the grudge-holding side of me is glad you stood up for yourself.

thank you

I'm sure ignoring might've been the best way to handle it, it's what a lot of people say. But ignoring was so not working. She'll just laugh and say I'm scared of her.

I'm just getting at my breaking point here. I'm a timid person by nature, I've never been able to stand up for myself. When they're firing off things directed to hurt me I shrink back in the corner and take it and cry, or I run away and cry to someone else, hoping they're gonna do something for me. I know it was probably immature, and so way out of my character, but I am glad I did at least something for once.

You are alot like me ~ I think I must have "walk all over me" tattooed across my head because I also have a hard time standing up for myself. Personally I like what you did! LOL It might not be the most mature way of handling it, but heck sometimes we CAN'T be mature when handling those kinds of people. Sometimes we HAVE to sink to their level in order to get thru to them. And I think you got thru !! Good for you!!

Now I hope and pray they leave you alone! Congrats! Hugs, Lee

You shouldn't have to spell out normal boundaries for yourself. People should just kind of know that you DON'T do that to a person! I'm glad you stood up for yourself! Takes a lot to be that confident in yourself. I'm glad you realize that this is their problem, not yours. And if they don't value you enough to treat you like a decent human being, then screw em!

well done littleforgetmenot, i do not think they will forget this for a long time to come!!! the saying of treat others how you would like to be treated comes to mind, the reason you were not getting through before is you were not treating them how they expect to be treated, by lowering to their level they are more likely to take heed of what you said!children understand things at a lower(simpler) level than adults, these two do not seem to have mastered the friendship part of growing up so still see it from a lower level!
you handled the situation how most people would after being messed around for so long, only most would have done it months or years ago!!!! i admire your patience!

now is time to move on and find friends who value you for what you are rather than mess with you because of a dx. i would leave them well alone from now on, if they try to contact you do not respond, leave it as it is, you did what you had to do, you will never change them, don't waste your time trying anymore, life is too short. enjoy life enjoy new friends xxxxx

I must have one of those too. All my friends turn out to be these types of people. For Rachel, I dunno if it was her outward confidence (she was very insecure on the inside) or aggression, things I lack, that pulled me to her, but it's a sad habit I really want to get out of. Same with Jesse, in fact, he treated me just as horribly as he did when I first met him, but I was silly, off in fairytale land and thought if I was nice he'd be nice back. It worked for a while but obviously nothing truly ever changed.

Exactly. I still do wish things hadn't turned out the way they did, I mean, it is sad and I used to have high opinions and respect for both of them, until they suddenly turned on me. Rachel used to always tell me she did things out of revenge, cause I deserved it. That was her brainwash and it worked for a very long time. Jesse however, blamed it on how I never trusted him, I was always doubtful, I liked to play victim and all of that. What happens with both of them is, when they're nice to me I look back on all the bad things I say and I think that yeah I was being ridiculous, I was being over-dramatic and crying out for justification.. He never realized I'm doubtful on both sides. Of him but also myself. That's why we had a yoyo type friendship. I'd doubt him and leave, but then I'd start doubting myself and come back. But this time I know for sure I didn't do anything wrong. They're both just so manipulative, I noticed this in Rachel a long time ago and expected it. I noticed it in Jesse too but didn't want that to be true. Denial is not a fun place to be.

Thank you. I always thought that if I was nice to them they'd be nice to me. Maybe I could tell them the truth of how they were about me, how much it hurt, and they'd feel sorry and stop. But they just didn't care and it made me wonder how a person could be so cruel. Why someone who I had spent so much time with being friends, had shown complete loyalty and unconditional forgiveness would they suddenly change?

I had good chemistry with them when it was good, especially Jesse. Just on the 14th we were laughing about anything and everything, made up 20 inside jokes in only a few hours. The next day it was like he wasn't the same person. I was hated and no longer cared about. Blindsided outta no where for no reason whatsoever.

I know that once I start making new friends I'll forget all about them and move on. However pretty much at the moment I'm alone. I'm shy and quiet, timid really, and it's hard to take me out of my shell. Also as I said before I'm very doubtful and unsure of myself. I know what I did was the right thing, but those silly emotions, and my lack of self-confidence make being sure difficult.


I wish emotions just didn't exist, or at least you could turn them off as easily as a light. "No, I don't want to feel sad today *emotions off*"

im a timid person & i dont stand up for myself im proud of people when they stand up for themselves i dont understand when my husband is here all he does is call me names complains cuz he cant drink & typical verbal abuse crap i made him leave he whines to come home & is all nice to me well until i dont say what he wants to hear on the phone then hes callin me names r these guys supposed to be your friends? i guess the people like them prey on people so they can make themselves feel good & when we get a set of balls it screws with them more than we know then it might get even uglier cuz when abusive controlling people feel the control slipping they sometimes go to any length to make u miserable & **** with u & these people for many years claim to love u? geez last time i checked people who love u dont call u names mess with u all the bull**** its this sick thing cuz all they do is abuse & make u feel responsible for their misery then when u kick them out of ur life their still not happy & they never wanna see u have happiness either well just to protect urself even though this is not in our nature have a plan ready to **** with them so bad they will leave forever this is so against my nature i dont wanna say anymore

lol, I wish I had the diabolical mind to come up with such a great plan of attack. When I first met Rachel I had strong defenses. I wouldn't take crap from nobody. As soon as someone did something I didn't like, I told them so and if it happened again they were shoved out the door and never seen again. This however kept the amount of friends I had to a minimum, but I didn't have as much drama then as I do today.

I miss who I was back then, before the depression, before the anxiety, before Rachel sat lurking over my shoulder, slowly pulling pieces of me apart. I used to be confident and self-assured. I knew I was smart, I knew what I did and didn't deserve, which in my mind was always nothing. I had the ability to deflect negative comments, and when someone would try to take me down I could use their own personality against them so people wouldn't believe them. I was still honest, I was still timid on the inside, but I had better control of my thoughts and emotions, and my world in general. Now everything is just all over the place.

in doing what you did you snatched back a huge chunk of the pieces which Rachel had pulled off you over the years, now take time to stick them back on to you, you need to be kind to yourself for the glue to work, tell yourself every day you are a great person, you are a strong person you can assert yourself and it is ok to.
you have to start believing in the great strong you, you fought the bullies and won, that is something to be proud of and a reason to hold your head up high. so stand up tall, puff out your chest, chin up and get out there girl,don't look back, look forward, make new friends and don't stand for any crap ever again!