Quote:
Originally Posted by amy06soccr
I have PTSD and probably dissociative problems. I've seen a therapist. But he said he's helped me as much as he can. Anyway, I was raped by my fiance 3 years ago. Never spoke of it until 2 years ago (was forced to get help by my commander b/c I had nightmares and wasn't sleeping more than 3 hours a night...brokenly.) Oh, it was attempted murder too. I played dead and now I'm here. Well I'm dating someone now. And we slept together a few times. Didn't exactly go well at first. But a month ago I decided I wanted to wait totill we're married to have sex again. Last night we watched a movie. There was a rape scene. I don't remember anything other than a flashback after that. I woke up and my pants and stuff were off and my BF was layin beside me on the couch. I got up to go to the bathroom and realised my pants were off. I thought he'd just gone down on me or something. He'd had sex with me. He said he'd thought I was with it until I'd called up my attacker's name. I told him he was hurting me. He said I'd been pretty limp but he just thought I was really tired and didn't want to wake up all the way or something. I don't know what to think. I mean first off, I know he's a guy, but how can you be that friggin retarded?????? And secondly, for all intensive purposes I've technically been raped twice now...and the second time BECAUSE of the first! What is happening to me? I don't understand. How do I just "go away" like that. And wtf am I supposed to do since my therapist said I can't be helped anymore than what he's done? I mean he did help some. IDK. Thanks.
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I was always ending up in situations where I would have sex and not remember it, then I was diagnosed DID and could not figure out how others could not see it wasnt "me" laying there. but then my therapist pointed out something to me. before being diagnosed DID I didnt know I had alters, had no idea what the disorder was, no idea what switching was, and thought it was completely normal to lose track of time and do things I couldnt remember.
it works the same way with people in our lives, real life isnt like the movies, most people have no idea when I switch, I mean how could they when I didnt even know until after I was "back" and noticed it was later than I thought or another day than I thought.
then over time working with my treatment providers I learned what triggers me to switching and was able to discuss those triggers with my partner. Being able to do this gave my partner a sort of guide, so that my partner could recognize the subtle differences between me and my switching, and my alters.
As to whats happening to you, we cant tell you that. only you and your treatment providers know what is happening to you. all we can do here is tell you if we have had the same kinds of problems you are posting about.
Suggestion contact your treatment providers. they can help you discover what is happening to you and how to fix it for you.
