Perhaps when one is young and the enviroment around them is unpredictable, one developes an over active expecation stand, that way one can have some sense of control over an uncontrollable outside enviroment, if we fit all the players of our early "dramas" into expected roles, we keep ourselves "safe", accept when one steps outside the family "drama" other people dont have the same script and we have only learnt a limited "emotional language" and when we hear somethign outside of that we have to quickly go through our old scrip and try and make it fit?? I know my upbringing was very authoritarian and unpredictable and I didn't learn much about situations outside of that authoritian one, and anything outside the limit things I picked up along the way felt wrong, felt attacking, becuase really it was the internalised family dynamics that were attacking me, it wasn't coming from outside but my attempts to try and remain in control and control what others said or didn't say was keeping me going round and round.

One needs to learn to have space to thinks, to question old thinking, old scripts, and yes sometimes in life there are people that don't like us, and when we learn we dont have to change that, that what other people think of us doesn't destroy us, unlike when we were children and had no adult defences, then we no longer have to worry about what others are thinking, our need for having expectations as a form of control lessens, its a gradual process, exploring this in therapy with no pressure will lessen it. Perhaps the expectations weren't unrealistic when formed, but now as an adult they are???