So I'm having trouble now and left with only pc as my outlet... What to do when you don't even know what is going on? This entire co conscious thing is way too confusing and I don't know what to make of it. I'm not co conscious and as hard as I try to be it doesn't work.

I can't remember what happens during my blackouts and don't even realize when I am having them lately. I guess a lot more now then before. I've been with the boyfriend for 16 months now and he knows all about my DID and schizo and my past.

He doesn't believe I'm DID or schizo but I tell him the blackouts do not lie. I would go along with his theory of me being normal if it weren't for the unreal voices sights noises and thoughts that occur pretty frequently with myself. I keep finding excuses for them but in reality I know what is going on. None the less, I'm thinking now that I feel safe and happy and confident with my boyfriend I think my alts may be showing themselves.

They never did with my exhusband (or atleast that he knew of, I know of instances where they did) when I wanted them out to keep me away from him. Now that I'm with a wonderful man I think my others may be warming up to him and letting their guard down around him since most of the time when I don't remember things happening that he swears did just seconds before, nothing was said too out of the ordinary and nothing was done that he didn't expect me to do.

On the other hand I was not the one doing it and to me, it does not sound like something I would do. At least it's nothing bad though right? It only lasts seconds now as opposed to the hours my blackouts lasted before so I'm guessing maybe after feeling safe for a little while now they are coming out of hiding now?

I hear them more and I feel them more and I feel the dissociation coming on now a lot better then I ever did before. This gives me more will to stop it from happening as well which I like, those seconds though that come out of no where, I can't control at all.

Anyways, although I can hear them, I still can not communicate and can not understand what they are trying to say. I can't go in if I want to get away for a minute, I can't stop them from getting out when I don't see it coming... I have no communication with them and I need it. I don't think I'm afraid like I was when I was always being told the first signs of MPD and I would be hospitalized.

My current byofriend is much more understanding and I think this may be the reason for all of this. I've been trying for so long to become co conscious and right now I don't know if I'm closer or further then I was 10 years ago when I was diagnosed!

Basically I'm hoping that someone could please try and help me with some tips on anything DID really, as someone without medical I could use all the advice I could get! If you have any ideas on how to speak to, help control, and mostly understand the others within me, I would definately appreciate it! Thanks in advance and sorry for posting so long all the time!