DID and co consciousness

So I'm having trouble now and left with only pc as my outlet... What to do when you don't even know what is going on? This entire co conscious thing is way too confusing and I don't know what to make of it. I'm not co conscious and as hard as I try to be it doesn't work.

I can't remember what happens during my blackouts and don't even realize when I am having them lately. I guess a lot more now then before. I've been with the boyfriend for 16 months now and he knows all about my DID and schizo and my past.

He doesn't believe I'm DID or schizo but I tell him the blackouts do not lie. I would go along with his theory of me being normal if it weren't for the unreal voices sights noises and thoughts that occur pretty frequently with myself. I keep finding excuses for them but in reality I know what is going on. None the less, I'm thinking now that I feel safe and happy and confident with my boyfriend I think my alts may be showing themselves.

They never did with my exhusband (or atleast that he knew of, I know of instances where they did) when I wanted them out to keep me away from him. Now that I'm with a wonderful man I think my others may be warming up to him and letting their guard down around him since most of the time when I don't remember things happening that he swears did just seconds before, nothing was said too out of the ordinary and nothing was done that he didn't expect me to do.

On the other hand I was not the one doing it and to me, it does not sound like something I would do. At least it's nothing bad though right? It only lasts seconds now as opposed to the hours my blackouts lasted before so I'm guessing maybe after feeling safe for a little while now they are coming out of hiding now?

I hear them more and I feel them more and I feel the dissociation coming on now a lot better then I ever did before. This gives me more will to stop it from happening as well which I like, those seconds though that come out of no where, I can't control at all.

Anyways, although I can hear them, I still can not communicate and can not understand what they are trying to say. I can't go in if I want to get away for a minute, I can't stop them from getting out when I don't see it coming... I have no communication with them and I need it. I don't think I'm afraid like I was when I was always being told the first signs of MPD and I would be hospitalized.

My current byofriend is much more understanding and I think this may be the reason for all of this. I've been trying for so long to become co conscious and right now I don't know if I'm closer or further then I was 10 years ago when I was diagnosed!

Basically I'm hoping that someone could please try and help me with some tips on anything DID really, as someone without medical I could use all the advice I could get! If you have any ideas on how to speak to, help control, and mostly understand the others within me, I would definately appreciate it! Thanks in advance and sorry for posting so long all the time!

First of all, I think it's great that you want to take this step and connect with the others with you. Unfortunately, I haven't had much experience in this area. But my initial advice would be to find a really good t who's had experience with DID. This person could be a safe point for the other alternates to express themselves to, and could help in eventually giving you an awareness of them. Best of luck!

Hi PFM....I have to agree with a T being really necessary. I'm happy for you that you have such a wonderful person in your life..I wish that he believed you about the did dx. I do whats called dialogue writing. That is where my parts write to each other or I write to them. I started doing this by asking and writing does anyone have anything to say? If I let them write they almost always do. Good Luck....Kasva

Hi PFM
Thoughts on communication and co consciousness...
Co consciousness comes with a lot of time and hard work. You have to trust your parts and they have to trust you (to a degree).
For my system we don't talk to each other, never really had. I can come to PC and see that an alter has posted and know I have lost time. I can also tell who has been out by the dirty clothes pile... different parts wear different colors and styles in my system. They come out and talk to a "friend" of mine. We journal and I read their journal entries. Sometimes we email each other. There are lots of different ways to communicate with each other. I bet there are tons of people here that could brainstorm ideas for/with you.
I am glad you have a S/O who supports you even if they don't buy into the DID. Be patient it may come with time.
Another thing I have learned... The harder you try the more the DID resists... I know it is hard but trust, relax and let things unfold on their own. It sounds silly but it will really happen faster that way.

I like to go back and read past posts before posting to someone to get an idea of who they are, what their problems are and what things have been done in the past to alleviate their symptoms and problems.

I see that some time ago you discontinued medication options. sometimes doing that has a positive and negative reaction where for a while everything seems to go ok, great even and then over time problems/symptoms start up again. I cant count how many times I have been on and off of antidepressants for the same reason - things go great then things go down hill, then things go great then things go down hill again. like a roller coaster.

you have two diagnosis's DID for which medications dont help DID but can help anxiety and depression PTSD symptoms that comes with DID and Schizophrenia for which medication does help to some degrees.

reading this post and keeping in mind that there are two mental disorders the black outs, hearing voices more, seeing things "could" be from either or, or even aspects of both mental disorders

therefore one of my suggestions is consider going back on medications for a short time. theres bound to be new medications that have come out during your past year of no medications. give them a try and see what happens, maybe there is now a medications out there that can help you now.

Reading your past posts I see you have had quite a stressful ride this past two years. and recently you posted everything was going along really well for you.

my suggestion is look back over the past month or so when your symptoms started coming back again and see whats different in your life now that wasnt back during the time you posted all was going well with you.

Usually (according to the mental health community around here, and any DID focused seminars/workshops I have gone to for work and my own healing) when alters come out after theres been a time of everything going good, its not because of comfort. its because the host is being triggered by something so the alters fight / push their way out or automatically come out and take care of things for the host.

once you know what that something is that caused your problems to become worse half the battle is done. then look at that thing that is causing the problems and find a way to make changes that will alleviate that problem, then you will be back to where you were when you posted all was going well with you.

specifically on the topic of co consciousness - you posted you "hear them more now" if that symptom is from your DID then thats what co consciousness is.

any time you can hear what your alters are saying or telling you, any time you can see images of what they are trying to show you thats what co consciousness is.

in fact I would not be surprised if soon instead of black outs you will be able to remain aware while they are "out". according to the things you have posted in the above post you are to a certain percentage co conscious and are developing co consciousness.

you may not have known what it was called or what the process is and how long it takes but its happening for you.

My suggestion - breath. there is no set time frame for full co consciousness to happen. it all happens to each of us at what ever speeds we are ready for it to happen.

Another suggestion go back into therapy. a therapist can guide you through this co consciousness/integrating awareness, memories and feelings into our consciousness process process smoothly and with care so that you wont have all this confusion and stress.