Trigger


I told my T how I was feeling and how when I get angry, I don't dare take it out on others, so I take it out on myself. I told him how I decided that cutting would be a problem because it leaves marks and the few times I did it I was embarrassed about the marks. I decided that pills would be better because there would be no outward scar. I know that I might make a mistake and take too many, so I am afraid to do it. I almost want to take enough to be knocked out and found so that I can wake up later. It's like I am looking for a reset button. When I was younger, instead of hurting myself I would break a lease and move to a new apartment thinking that it would be a new start and I could leave old life behind. I can't do that anymore, so my mind is coming up with ways of "running" away and unfortunately that means the desire to hurt myself. I am seeing my T again Friday and I have been instructed to call him if my thoughts gets intense.