I don't feel like I'm in danger. I guess I feel like I need to explain more. I was very naive about relationships when we first got married. I thought sex was just something I was supposed to do, like doing the laundry or something. I really didn't know I could tell my husband no (stupid, huh?) I never really started to get bad feelings until my youngest son was conceived while I was asleep.
Flash-forward - I spoke to an exT about some of this and she told me to say no. I still didn't feel enough confidence in myself to really follow through so I always gave in, which made things worse.
Current - now current T is applying definitions to these things that happen to encourage me to use my voice, to validate my own needs, etc.

I guess it's easiest for me to comply, maybe I'm just a chicken or maybe I'm afraid of the consequences. Maybe ignorance really is bliss.

I know I played a role in setting up this pattern - going from completely submissive to trying to speak and I think that has thrown my husband out of whack. He is used to me being totally compliant in every aspect of our lives. I guess sex was the wrong place to try to start using my voice ...maybe I'll have better luck if I gradually express day to day things and then move up to the sex things after I've had practice and feel stronger. IDK