Quote:
Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats
Your welcome! So are you proud of yourself as well??
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Why, yes, I think so!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Improving
poetgirl, I'm sharing in your delight at having something happy to post! 
I remember when you posted about her saying she's not budging, thinking that sounded hurtful. But now she's explained it it makes perfect sense. I think it does relate to what Tree was saying about the foundations, and about a safe place. T needs to be the same, the solid safe foundation, and maybe part of that is staying still. You can approach or distance yourself, but she is always the same. I can really relate to the 'game' element she described. My T and I spent a lot of time at the start talking about avoiding problematic contingencies- where I'd get more of her attention/care/concern if I was doing worse. When T behaves consistently, all of that is just a given, and I don't have to work out how to win it. I can imagine if T moved to sit next to me one week, and then didn't the next, I'd spend all my energy wondering what I'd done differently, wondering how to make her come back... her decision sounds very freeing, if that makes sense? |
Thanks, Improving, for what you shared; that makes tons of sense! I think it's brilliant actually - T does need to be the same and her staying in her place, staying still as it were, will make her seem more the 'same', more consistent to me. A foundation is supposed to stay in one place and stay still, so what's built on it can stay strong and whole and not shift!
Like you say, it's now
my choice to move closer or not - the control of how close I am to her is in my hands. And yes, that
is freeing! And probably will help me be free of some of these struggles I've had with feeling that the connection is distant or not quite secure enough, too....
This, thinking of it more, makes me feel like this is something that is really acting to solidify my trust and deepen the connection I feel with her.
