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Mar 09, 2011, 01:15 AM
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First, I know I haven't written much in this section and I'm sorry. It's cause I'm kind of intimidated (my issue)
Tomorrow I see my med nurse who also does therapy and my regular T. It may be all my stuff but I have some serious issues and thoughts with remaining with the two of them. I have been in a downhill spiril for at least a year, my T's both know this. Last time I spoke to med T and told her my financial situation was desperate, all she said to me was "Well, you'd better start tapering down". No alternatives, no help, no nothing. Well, I couldn't afford the gas to get to her so I asked if she could mail my scripts since I was already withdrawing. She did mail them WITH a BILL! It was only $20 but our money issues are bad. I need to tell her how this made me feel. I don't know if I can.
Regular T has seen me through bad times before. He's had an awful year himself with illness (which triggers me) There have been many cancelations from both our sides. Now he forgets quite a bit that we've talked about , yet will not admit it. He misses phone calls from me (the emergency kind) which he never did before. He and I feel like we're on seperate continents. We've always healed any rupture before but the way I've been feeling, I doubt it's worth trying. I plan on terminating with him also. There is no point to all this and I hate the fact that I allow myself to depend on anyone. (it's always a let down or a set up) If I terminate both, I need to find someone to prescribe meds. NO more therapy EVER! There was a time when I had the most trust in my T. Now I can't trust anyone. Not even myself.
Sorry for the "book" I just wrote here. Please someone comment on this. I honestly don't know if all these things I feel and the anger at the T's are on me or not.
If more explaination is needed, please ask.
Thanks for reading all this muck.... 
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