(((ozzie)))) I'm just reading this.. sorry.

You can build a separate life while still having him around. I still think it's a miserable situation. If he won't get a hobby to take out his agression and take up his time, then you need to find things that will keep you coping without his input.

We all have to make changes as we age. His retiring last year (?) was a big change, and he might continue to change because of it (good or bad.)

I think you still need to have emergency procedures and plan b in place...just in case... to give you a safer feeling.

No, not all men are control freaks. Neither are they all abusive. It's unacceptable. Regardless of whether he thinks the problem is any part his, he is going to change, because YOU are TC of yourself lady!