Thank you guys for the help and advice. The problem I feel is blocking me is apathy. I used to have a lot of friends in high school, and I came from a family of 12 people. My life never had a quiet moment and i loved it that way. All my old friends are LDS (religion) like I used to be, and when they turned 19 they all went away on missions, but I dont agree with some of the churches teachings, so i didnt go. I'm not in contact with my dad anymore, who I lived and grew up with, so I dont ever talk to my once big family, and i'm positive that my dad dosnt care about me anymore, he hasnt wanted to talk to me since the day i moved out.

This was all ok until I broke up with my high school girl friend, and now I have no one in my life, it's just so... quiet. The apathy that ensues is unbearable, I feel like doing nothing, fixing nothing, being nothing. I havent even done any drugs lately, but this feeling stays the same. I dont even care enough to find a free clinic or anything, I just feel like i've given up on life. And I understand, how can you help something that dosnt care enough to help itself? I dont see how anything anyone says to me will fix how I feel, In the end it'll have to be me that just goes out and does something despite how I feel, but right now... Right now I just need to rant and vent and feel as sorry for myself as I can. I dont know why, but it makes me feel a little better, not caring anymore.