I can just feel the intensity of your feelings from your writings. I am thinking though, is there another angle that, at the moment, you are unable to access. Like if you were thinking of this being someone else, some other baby/child than you... Would you be able to feel more compassion and pity rather than horror and anger? You seem to so blame the child if she had been so stupid as to feel the need to trust to survive.

I don't think a small child has the level of consciousness like we adults do, nor feels on the same level. S/he does not make decisions to eg 'trust' the same way as we do. A lot of stuff is instinct, and instinct to survive is very strong in living being. If someone nasty is the only one providing any 'care' or only one around, a smart child will have to go with that. It's not a shame, it's just how things are.

I hope you can find a different way to look at this. I don't think a child growing in conditions like that should be blamed they trusted the only object they had available to trust, however bad. It's a sign of resilience not stupidity. I hope you can find compassion for that child.