Father...that is one of my hot buttons that plays with my mind. Being a good father is really important to me...it causes me much anguish...I put incredible amounts of pressure on myself to live up to a "perfect" father picture I have in my head. I can "should" myself into believing how they might be better off without me. I thought I constantly must refute!

From your post, you describe activities...sports...games...sure you may not have been at what ever level you think makes you a "good father"...but you were doing activities that generally are accepted as good things to do with your kids...

You also indicate that it's been awhile since seeing your T and pdoc...this probably suggest it's time to get in to see them before symptoms get worse...there are generally state or county programs that allow you to get "health insurance" so you can see a doctor. So you will want to do some searching about that opportunity...

You posted here...so some part of you knows that the fight is worth it...good luck