Sounds to me like you are doing a really good job of stepping back and thinking about why you are upset. I think that part of that process includes wondering about the self doubts and fears that have been present and usually drive one to try to control situations.

Maybe you can write these things down and bring it to therapy to discuss with the T. Again, it sounds like you are doing a great job. The hardest part of therapy is facing our fears and finding out why we behave in specific ways. Once we are aware, we can then begin the work to face those reasons and change our behaviors.

Please keep us updated on how things are progressing.