My T told me to use fantasy if necessary to explore my needs - so I wondered if it is something from someone that I need at those time of deep despair as I know I often think (say) "please help me, I can't stand this". So I imagined an angel standing next to me - could see the angel really clearly in mind, complete with halo and golden glow - but still I didn't know what it was I wanted from the angel. I wondered if it was a hug, but then thought that if that is my need how on earth would I get it met other than in fantasy - so got a bit stuck really.

Thank-you madisgram, it is so hard for me to admit that I need other people in my life - I think despite everything, I have done a fairly good job of looking after myself and learning to rely on myself - but I think you are right, I probably do need support - it just makes me feel very vulnerable if I don't appear strong and capable - not sure why. It feels safer on here though.

ImiDAKiml - thank-you for your post - I think I am going to climb into my head for a bit and wonder what it would be like for me to meet me - maybe me and me can put our heads together and have a chat and together explore needs - I think that may be useful.